Saturday, March 20, 2010

"Believe it or not, my first career choice was to
become a marriage counselor."
"I can communicate using my mouth or
my hands. Which would you prefer?"
"All I know is one day these four guys said, 'To hell with
gravity!' You can see the result."
"Ooh, Debbie Schlussel, I can tell you're the worst
kind of Semite: an anti-anti-Semite Semite!"
Well, it looks like the water supply for all those
dang Tea Parties has just about dried up.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #142
Mike Adams
Attention All Whale and Horse Eaters
You can no longer spend outrageous sums
at The Hump restaurant satisfying your
unnatural appetites. Yesterday, it closed
its doors forever. In case you're wondering,
the Pope feels really sorry.
Is Jonathan Martin hugging Meghan McCain, or is he
really hugging himself? Your answer will depend on
whether you're as cynical as Jonathan is.
World's Worst Yobs #159
Brett Baier
Pope Benedict Channeling Ming the Merciless
Israel's annual outlay for tear gas must be enormous.
Recently-Declassified Photograph #20
Capitol Hill Legislative Processor
World's Worst Yoobs #68
Janet Porter
"I started getting emails saying 'You must be Brian'
and 'Speak to us, Master! Speak to us!'"

Friday, March 19, 2010

Jay was delighted to see that the President had never heard
the old joke about Grover Cleveland's failure to enforce the
15th Amendment.
“The President is the President 24 hours a day. I don’t think
he should drink on the job. As for me, I'm a big, mysterious
blob floating off the coast of Alaska, and I can drink anytime
I damn well please!”
"Give the wrong answer and you will be unceremoniously
dumped into the Rio Grande. OK, here's the question: how
many iguanas are crawling on your back right now?"
"I would many times over liberate Iraq again from
Saddam Hussein. I think he was a danger to the
Middle East. My only regret is that we liberated
Iraq from Saddam Hussein only once."
In olden days, people burned animals to appease
the gods. Now they burn drugs.
He wanted to say, "You'll never pin that on me, copper!"
But, for some reason, it didn't seem apropos.
Paul Broun is a good example of why
the Confederacy of Dunces lost the
Great War of Yankee Aggression.
"Hey, Sharky, where ya headed?"
"Downtown to the payday loan store
I manage."
"Go ahead, demonize me! See if I care!"
Oxymorons for Our Time #27
Radical Transformative Conservatism
"Would you mind explaining, Mr. Prime Minister,
Israel's 'Bite the Hand That Feeds Us' policy toward
the United States?"

Thursday, March 18, 2010

"Yes, Jesus could walk on water, but I can fly!"
Don't go there. You really don't want to know.
"Do I look crazy? Of course I do. I am crazy!"
'Jihad Jane' Pleads 'Not Alliterative'
you decide to accept it, is to determine if any part of
Megyn Kelly's body is original equipment."
Dennis Kucinich's wife only looked taller
because she was standing on his principles
and he wasn't.
Glenn Beck Finally Discovers the
Truth about the 9/11 Conspiracy in
His Folding Money
"Granted, I'm a fake giraffe. But you're
really not an anteater, are you?"
"OK, it's true: my real name is Oscar Mayer, not Jefferson
Starship. Now will you please give me back my
wiener whistle?"
Smiley Face After Dark, or
Have a Nice Night!
"If I understand what you're saying, you painted your
face black because the long-term outlook for white is
pretty dark."
The Slumber of Reason: Dreaming of Bibi
Just the thought of John Boehner brought tears to
the Islamic warrior's eyes.
Too late, he realized that the carnival
barker had sold him a one-way ticket
to Reality, the freakiest sideshow of
them all.
If Tony Manero Had Become the 'Guide of the First of
September Great Revolution of the Socialist People's
Libyan Arab Jamahiriya' Instead of the Star of
Saturday Night Fever
"Did I just hear that Mark Sanford has pleaded
'no contest' to the charge that he broke 37 South
Carolina laws? Or is my superhearing playing
me false again?"
"Like you, Michelle, I didn't mean any disrespect when I
accused Egyptian media of treason 4,500 years ago."
Fearguth and Loathing in the 21st Century #10
Imagine a sock puppet stuffed with toenail
clippings. That would be Bill O'Reilly.
Ben Shapiro Giving Vanessa Williams
a Dirty Look
Flag Desecration #29
"When I'm drafting right to life language,
who am I gonna call? Nunbusters!"
The Politico Illustrated #12
"Pelosi's biggest test"
Bloody Bacon Mary: It's What's for Breakfast
Rightbloggers and Other
Internet Biohazards #39
Big Government
"Erick Erickson sends his regards, Ed, and says
you're the best-dressed goat-fucking child molester
ever to work at CNN."