Saturday, October 20, 2012

For Those Hard-to-Remove
Canuckian Steyns

Friday, October 19, 2012

Burning Man Comes to Big D
Shock and disbelief were widespread when it
 was revealed yesterday that 'Scott Brown' is
 actually a paid Hollywood actor, whose 
real name is Lemuel Q. Stoopnagle.
Romney Moves to Center

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Recently-Declassified Photograph #33
Tagg Romney's La-Z-Boy®
What Really Sat Down Beside Little Miss Muffet
Newsweek To Cease Print Publication, Will Go All-
National Enquirer , All the Time, Early Next Year
Oxymorons for Our Time #138
University of Phoenix
Campaign Spox Clarifies Debate Statement, Says
Romney Meant to Say, "Women in Blinders"
Asked if he had seen any of Jesus’ fossil 
footprints while he was at Dinosaur National 
Monument,  he replied, "I almost thought I 
did, but a Sun Devil sprung up, blew sand 
in my eyes, and, before I could whip out my 
trusty bandanna to clarify my vision,  I had 
lost interest."
Come to think of it, he had never really seen
the shoes his dentist wore.
Like the Old Stereotypist says, "Ya see one Romney,
ya seen 'em all!"
Tagg Romney Sez:  "Well, you want to jump out of your
 seat and rush down to the debate stage and take a 
swing at Obama!"
[Tagg apparently prefers the 'boxing metaphor' to
the 'horse-race metaphor' for elections.]

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

British Cops Mistake Three Blind Mice for Watery 
Tarts Throwing Swords, Tase Them
Warm Scuzzies #338
Dinesh D'Souza
“Congrats Mr President balls are a beautiful thing.  I'd sure
 like to have a pair."
Mitt Romney Sez:  "And I brought us whole binders full 
of women.”
[Imagine trying to fact-check this statement.]
As Fran Lebowitz once said, "The opposite of talking
isn't listening.  The opposite of talking is waiting."
[Except in a presidential debate, where two people
get to talk at the same time.]

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Warm Scuzzies #337
Vikram Pandit
Recently-Declassified Photograph #32
Paul Ryan's To-Do List for 10/12/12
The Unexpurgated Bible #81
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people
 in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward 
from your Father who is in heaven. Thus, when you  pre-
tend to wash dishes, sound no trumpet before you,  as the 
hypocrites do in the soup kitchens and in the streets, 
that they may be praised by others."
"Believe me, my friends, these are dishpan hands!"
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Soup Kitchen
Fearguth and Loathing in the 21st Century #16
Imagine The Great Big Book of Horrible Things.  That would
be Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Janis Lane Sez:  "Our country might have been better off 
if it was still just men voting. There is nothing worse than 
a bunch of mean, hateful women. They are diabolical in 
how than can skewer a person."
Fibber Ryan even lies about washing dishes.
John Yoo Denounces President Obama for Not 
Waterboarding Deferred Deportees, Saying the 
President Has "Pushed the Executive Power 
Beyond All Constitutional Limits"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #431
Steve Youngblood
One Giant Leap for Red Bull
"Paul Ryan Solves Rubik's Cube Puzzle While 
Doing One-Handed Pushups"
Warm Scuzzies #336
Arthur Allen
"Samuel Joseph 'Joe the Plumber' Wurzelbacher, the 
Republican running against U.S. Rep. Marcy Kaptur, 
D-Toledo, skipped out on the City Club of Cleveland debate 
Thursday and has earned a reputation for being all but 
impossible to contact, even by his fellow Republicans."
[Maybe he has been kidnapped by Jonathan Krohn.]
Joe Biden Gets Serious

Sunday, October 14, 2012

The last time Jonathan Krohn played the big stakes slots 
in Vegas, he won Bill Bennett as Grand Prize.  What to do 
with him afterward severely taxed his pubescent mind,
as time would tell.
A fallen creature can never have
enough landing gear, they say.
"My fellow Americans, I challenge you to look
Paul Ryan straight in the face without laughing.
Like me, you can't do it, can you?"
"Maybe if I walk very, very softly, nobody will notice that
I'm a Jimmy Durante fan."
"We storks will vote for Todd Akin for sure.  Shucks!  Without
his opposition to the science of reproduction, where would 
we storks be?  Unemployed!  Out of the business of 
delivering babiesthat's where we would be!"
"Dick Morris, your attention please!  We black helicopters 
are here to dilute your national sovereignty, undermine 
your democratic values, mandate massive transfers of 
your wealth to third world countries, and, lest we forget,
blow your balls off!”
As Arlen Specter finally learned, it's not enough to
dodge many bullets (as he had):  you must dodge them
all (which he didn't).
Friday was just another episode of Slambang Theater 
on Wall Street.
"Yes, how well I remember when I laughed out loud
 at the funeral for Betamax."
"Study it out and you'll know that I spent the afternoon
getting my hair fixed at Juanita Jean's, the World's
Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc."
Venus de Milo, the World's Most Famous 
Statue of Limitations
Mark Steyn, the Garbage Canuck, Sez:  
"I LOATHE Sesame Street!"
"What's that?"
"It's Mitt Romney's Bamboozle Box."
"I wonder what's in it."
"Here's a sneak preview, but don't
tell anyone else."

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #71
Bitch Perfect
If he wins in November, here is what a Mitt 
Romney Thanksgiving will look like.
"It was pretty clear who the grown-up 
on the debate stage was.”