Saturday, December 15, 2012

Do you wonder if Professor Reynolds is
wearing his favorite t-shirt today?
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #160
Holly Bacon and Michelle Malkin

Friday, December 14, 2012

"When I'm not stoned, I'm a libertarian.  But that's
not often."
Ken Cuccinelli's Expression After Virginia Foxx 
Agreed to Sit on His Face
Joseph Stalin Enters Latest Mass Murder into His
Post-Mortem Ledger of American Massacres
"Of course I own guns!  Doesn't everybody?"
Almighty God Says:  "Yes, I know I'm omnipotent, 
omniscient, and omnipresent.  But who am I to stand
in the way of someone exercising his Second Amend-
ment right to keep and bear arms?"
"You think Agenda 21 is diabolical?  Well, you should
see Catch-22!"
NRA Youth Program Rule #1
"Do not point firearms at anything you 
do not want to shoot."
Epigone of Patrick Henry Sez:  "Give me liberty,
or give me breath!"
What happened in Newtown, Connecticut today
was not a tragedy.  A tragedy is a stage play in 
which the main character is brought to ruin or 
suffers extreme sorrow, especially as a consequence 
of a tragic flaw, moral weakness, or inability 
to cope with unfavorable circumstances.  The
20 schoolchildren who died in a Connecticut
school today did not have tragic flaws, moral 
weaknesses, or the inability to cope with
unfavorable circumstances.  They just
happened to be born to parents in a 
country that has gone completely
gun crazy.
Sign of the Times #34
Fines Doubled for Speeding
in Gun Zones
"There are only two practical solutions to the
problem of mass shootings in America today:
(1) more guns, (2) and another couple of
Second Amendments to the Constitution,
just to be on the safe side."
Sorry, Mr. President, but what this country needs now
is not more prayers and condolences.  What we need 
now is someone with enough courage to face the NRA, 
the gunhuggers,  and the firearms manufacturers, and 
say, "Guns kill people, and I'm going to do everything
in my power to keep what happened in Connecticut 
 today from ever happening again."
Accustomed only to the right jab, Steven Crowder was
caught off guard and KO'ed by the unionist's left hook.
A new poll has revealed that only 39% of the
 American people know Bryan Fischer was
 created out of 100% Organic Bullshit.
There are only 10 more days until Gunmas!
What will prevent school shootings, like the one today
in Connecticut, from being repeated throughout the 
United States over and over and over, ad infinitum?  
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #446
Sean Kenney
"It would not make sense," the President said, "for us 
to see a top priority as going after recreational 
pot users in states that have determined that it's legal."

"We've got bigger fish to fry."
World's Worst Jobs #128
Wall Street Coke Shoveler
Marty Peretz When He Was Young and Grayscale
Godfather Reunited with Godson After 39 Years

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Bar Code Inventor Dead at 91
Warm Scuzzies #350
Mike Miles
Tom Bodett Forgets to Leave Light On in Senate 
for Joe Lieberman's Farewell Address
"There are people who say that you couldn’t be presi-
dent because you’re so heavy. What do you say to that?"
"That’s widiculous,  Baba Wawa!"
Since it contains 'brominated vegetable oil', a flame- 
retardant, perhaps Gatorade could be used to fight 
forest fires.
'Smugglers Launch Pot Over Border With Cannon'
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #159
Pat Dollard and Donald Rumsfeld

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Sign of the Times #33
Too Big to Fail, Too Rich to Jail
In retirement, Ron Paul will charge $50,000 to speak,
$100,000 to not speak.
Michigan Governor Rick Snyder Gets Voice 
Transplant from Rocky the Flying Squirrel
Senator Cheaplaugh Reacts to 55% Disapproval Rating
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #446
Jan Markell

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

"My Instagram has lost Pinterest in your Twitter."
World's Worst Yobs #273
Lachlan Markay
Were it possible to remove them all, this is 
what Mitt Romney would look like under-
neath all his masks.
“How about manning up here, 
Mr. President?”
Poll Says Santa Is a Democrat, Grinch Is a Republican
According to a recent report, a third of fish in the U. S.
 is being mislabeled, often dangerously.  For example, 
Tilefish should be called Feverfish, because it has
 more mercury in it than a thermometer; Snake 
Mackerel should be called Trotfish, because it 
gives you diarrhea; Silverfish, because its 
actually an insect; and Hagfish, because it's 
a rock-and-roll band from Dallas. 

Monday, December 10, 2012

Alley Oop Sez:  "Harrumph!  Scientists
are now saying the Brontosaurus never
existed.  Next thing you know, they'll
be saying I never existed, either!"
Just Saw Mitt Romney Doing His Liberace
Impression in the Library
"Are you telling me you've never heard of No-Time 
Toulouse, the story of the wild and lawless days of
 the post-Impressionists?"

Sunday, December 09, 2012

Breaking News Mashups #5
"Wall Steet Tows Rotting Carcass Out to Sea"
US Drone Kills Al-Qaeda No. 2, Al-Jason Bin Voorhees, 
for the Sixth Time
Clown Hall #3
Rinch Pissypants
Shorter Ross Douthat Sez:  "What the world needs
 now is more copulation that's open to the creation 
of white life."
[Positively gnomic, isn't it?]
Tweets may be nasty and brutish, 
but at least they're short.