Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #163

Crackpot in a Crockpot

Border Patrol Rejects Body Cameras,

Claims the Devices Would Interfere

in Stopping Jihadists Snorkeling

Across the Rio Grande

Hey, a revised edition of Ben

Carson's autobiography has

just been published!

Lieutenant Charles Joseph Gliniewicz's Quaint Hairdo Blamed

 for His Embezzling, Sexual Harassment, and Faked Murder

"When I said I would like to have a beer with Malala, an 

underaged Muslim girl, that was just a figure of speech."

The Dakotaraptor, discovered in the Hell Creek Formation, 

lived during the Cretinous Period of the Republican Party.

'Pious fraud' (Latin: pia fraus) has been used since the 

17th century to describe fraud in religion. A pious fraud 

can be rationalized by arguing that the 'end justifies the 

means' (e. g., in the case of Ben Carson, electing a True 

Christian by whatever means necessary).

George Will Excommunicates Heretical Bill O'Reilly 

from Wholly Ronald Reagan Church

Aftermath of Bush Family Brawl Over Poppy's

New Book

Egyptologist Taunting Ben Carson

Allegories for Our Time #35

Democratic Party Misleading the American Sheeple

Texas GOPer Kevin Brady Sez: "Soitenly! Whoop, whoop, 

whoop!  Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!"

The next time you tour the nation's Capitol, be sure

to check out the new statue Congress voted for in

honor of former Vice President Dick Cheney.

NASA just saw something come out of a black hole for the

 first time ever and Congress voted to call it 'Dick Cheney'

 and put in the Capitol.

Sure, Ben Carson is just another snake oil salesman,

but he's a 'Christian' snake oil salesman and that

makes all the difference.

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #162

Ben Carson says the archaeologists are wrong: 

Egyptians didn't build the pyramids to bury pharaohs; 

Joseph built the pyramids to store Froot Loops.

New from Esquire Fashion

'100 Shoes a Centipede Needs'

Welcome to Kentucky,

the Throwback State

Joe, Matt, and Kim:  Three Stooges for a New

Generation

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #124

Ghost Rider 3: Johnny Blaze Flames Out

World's Worst Jobs #138

Myanmarian Brick Factory Worker

New Bernie Sanders Underwear Line Keeps Your Boys 

from Hanging Low and Wobbling To and Fro

Baby Meerkat Totally Captivated by Joe Scarborough's

Interview of Charles and David Koch on MSNBC,  'Liberal

 Media' Central

"Hey, GOP, want a foot massage?"

Sanders Admits He Doesn't Kiss That Many Babies and

Has Never Eaten a Pork-Chop-on-Stick

Total War Erupts When Twitter Changes

'Favorite' Symbol from Star to Heart

"'Just one lobe short of a Trilobite'?  I heard that!"

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #123

The Fixer: When an Exclamation Point

Is Simply Not Enough

Reviewers are saying Trump makes a

strong case for repealing the ADA

(Americans with Disabilities Act),

the first step, he argues, toward 

making America great again.

Donald Trump's new book has already

 been translated into modern English.

Paul Ryan Prepares for Upcoming Meeting

 with Freedom Caucus

After Neoconfederate rednecks, like Marshall Leonard,

 started bombing Walmarts, the United States realized

it had an oversupply of domestic terrorists and started

exporting them overseas.

If Karl Rove was Dubya's brain, Dubya must be Jeb's brain.

"I know that I got to get better at doing the selfies."

Is Ahmed Chalabi really dead, or is he just feeding us

some more bad intel?

"Remember who you used to call 'Numbnuts'?"

'Hastert’s Portrait Vanishes from House'

'GOP Debate Talks in Disarray as Consensus Collapses'

Jeb Bush Sez: "I eat nails when I wake up!" 

[That's what the Bush family calls 'nail biting'.]

The Ben Carson Emoticon

"Hello, it's me,

I've thought about us for a long, long time."

"This isn't about what you want to do, Paul. It's about what 

God wants you to do. And God has told me, he wants you 

to be Speaker of the House."

"OK, John, but the next time you talk with God, ask Him

 how to get that smoke smell out of the Speaker's Office."

Now that he's Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan will be

able to spend more time with his Joy Buzzer.

Scarborough Blasts Mainstream Media's Liberal Bias: 

"They Are Embarrassing Themselves by Hiring  

Rightwing Nutjobs like Me"

"Yes, I was homeschooled by parents who allowed me to wait 

for the Rapture, instead of educating me. I'm still waiting."

What Senator Cruz Is Pointing Out Today #25

A Left-Wing Operative

"When I hear, 'The Grown-Ups Take the

Stage at the Debate', it really pisses me

off!  What's so special about acting like

 a grown-up? It's grown-ups who are 

wrecking the planet, not children!"

Rosenstein Sez:  "I want friend like me."